Is divorce still a stigma?

We are not alike...we dont have anything in common...we fight all the  time...i am a romantic and he is the most unromantic guy ever..we have nothing to talk about...when it's just us..we usually stare at the walls or just see a.movie...even our movie choices are so different...there is no romance...no sex..just two completely different human beings forced  to live together because of an institution called marraige and yet people (family) expect us to be happy together.

It's been 4 years of marriage.. .An arranged marriage done so quickly thanks to our family astrologer! 

But we can't divorce! We have a son who is just a year old...plus my father lost his wife (my mother) recently and I can't add to that...his parents have also expressed shock and grief over the word divorce and has actually made me promise never to think of that! 

What do I do?? How do I just live with a man who makes me unhappy?? Wouldn't my son understand when he grows up that his parents are not happy at all??? Wouldn't that affect him more than being a son of divorced parents??? 

So many questions and yet there are no answers!!  

How can I live a life like this?? How can I smile again?? 

Just as I entered the final trimester, my mother was diagnosed with auto-immune ILD disease which took her life away within two weeks of diagnosis.It was a shock for all of us. Just two weeks before my mom was all happy and active and suddenly I am left all alone with a big baby bump. I lost my mother when i needed her the most in my life.
Everyone consoled me by saying " Be strong" " Dont get stressed out" " Think about the baby and be happy". Words which had no effect on me. I was in my own world thinking about all that I could have asked and learned from my mom.It made me realize that life is so unpredictable that you should not wait for another day to enjoy or do your stuff. I had so many questions and so many doubts to ask my mom. All left unanswered now!
My husband  and family decided that the best thing to do in such a situation is to deport me to Kerala to my in-laws place. I tried my best to cancel such a plan but to no avail and within two weeks of my mothers demise, I landed in Kerala .
The maximum number of days I have ever stayed in Kerala was 10 days. So I had all good memories as a short stay only shows you the good side of village life and God's own country. So as you must have guessed, my first few days of stay was amazing. Everything was a new experience for me. The greenery,coconut water, organic farming,the peace,silence, birds, a huge house to stay..etc. All so new and wonderful. But as all good things stay for a short while ,the excitement lasted only for a week.
The silence started slowly creeping in. Loneliness started knocking the doors. Time just seemed to relax and say" I am in no hurry". Food started becoming bland...junk food cravings set in but nothing to bite at...I started becoming like a zombie with nothing to do and no meaning to life ! I miss my family at home. I miss the food that I used to love eating. I miss those coffee shops and joints. I miss the buzz of city life. I miss the noise and slowly things started to take a downhill and depression creeped in.
I had no idea what to do with my life. My husband just couldnt understand whats wrong with me! I silently cried for hours and started having all depressing thoughts. Started blaming God for such a life, for taking away my mom when i needed her the most...How cruel life can be! My first pregnancy experience and I am repenting... I started regretting that why I got myself pregnant. It became a punishment to me. No freedom to do anything. Cant eat what I like! My cravings just went down the hole and I started becoming more quieter and quieter as the days went by.
Now its my last month of trimester and I cant wait for the whole thing to get over and get back to Mumbai where my life is! People would say how can an expecting mother think this way...But thats how I feel! Its very difficult for a thorough city bred girl to adjust in a village. Pregnancy and baby has been like strangers for me. There is no glow left in me anymore.



Hopefully my mindset may change once the baby comes into this world! 

Pre--marriage jitters!

Pre-wedding jitters is something every bride--to-be goes through. The number of stuff you have got to remember ...what dress to wear...ornaments...parlour appointments...office deadlines...glowing skin treatments..and the list goes on !

Even I was a wreck before my wedding but later I realised that its just not that tough or scary. Honestly you dont remember anything particular during your D Day . There are so many stuff going on simultaneously that you just dont get the flow. Relatives and pandit keep instructing you to do this and that and you just follow whatever they tell you to do.

Yes everyone sees the bride more than the groom.Its okay if the groom has shoulder length hair and looks weird but the Bride should be glowing and perfect!

Before wedding the things you should remember to do is...
1. Appoint a beautician for the big day whom you have confidence in. Discuss with the beautician beforehand how you want the makeup and look to be.
2. Select your wedding saree and ornaments beforehand to avoid last moment confusion. Give the blouse for stitching atleast a month before.
3. Do not go for any new beauty treatments within weeks of marraige. Experiment the treatments atleast a month or two before the wedding so that even if a reaction occurs it has time to subside away.
4. Drink plenty of water for  glowing skin
5. Shop for clothes for your honeymoon and plan it day-wise. Always carry an extra pair of clothes.
6. Do not over-commit to your fiance and future inlaws how amazing you are in cooking and household work. Keep the expectations low and then give them a wonderful surprise later on.
7. Learn the basics of cooking and always learn to make atleast one sweet. Its our Indian tradition to make sweet the first time you enter a kitchen.
8. Always keep a chocolate in your personal bag on your wedding day. You never know when will you get the time to eat and hence a chocolate nearby is always handy.

Just some of the many tips for now... Keep reading my blog for more.

Hyderabad Hut, Himalaya Mall , Ahmedabad

I was having a sudden urge to eat Hyderabad biryani and was searching the net for the restaurant and that's when i I came across Hyderabadi Hut in Himalaya Mall.
It's situated on tin first floor and as u enter the restaurant...u can see all the posters where its written "Authentic World Famous Hyderabadi Biryani is here"... That otself uplifted my mood...and eagerly ordered Mutton biryani
The place has music and video on with latest songs playing...It has a warm feeling with red lanterns hanging around...the menu itself promoted biryani so much that u won't even think about buying anything else...
My order arrives within 10 mins and the waiter is  gracious enough to serve you the biryani with raita...its delicious! True to their word...
The only drawback was I did not like tge curry which accompanied the biryani in a small bowl...it was totally out of place...the biryani along with raita was really awesome...it was spicy and had enough pieces of mutton to satisfy ur palate..
The bill was also not a surprise! It is for the middle class families...not too expensive..
So all those who wanna try out some yummy biryani do go to this restaurant in Himalaya Mall..

Early Sunday morning and you are with your room mates. All laughing and enjoying the holiday mood and you are lost in your own thoughts. Wanna be alone! The only thought that crosses your mind...Amidst friends and yet all alone.
Why can't I love the crowd feeling...its always being alone that I crave from within..my own room...all alone..with my own thoughts...what a blissful life that would be !
People ask who is your best friend and I say it's my husband..the only person who understands me...in 27 years of my life..i have never been able to make anyone close to me except one....my hubby...for others there is always an invisible barrier which they just cannot cross...i really hve this feeling that I dont u need anyone...i can manage alone..on my own...its said " The best team is you and yourself then no one can hurt you ever" But still I get hurt within...

A tale of 2 girls

A tale of two girls!

"I wanna get married" cried Bindu. It was her 29th birthday today and she just couldn't believe that she is celebrating that with her relationship status as 'single'. She has always planned each and everything in her life and it has always worked out that way except marraige. She had planned to get married by 26 and now she is 29!!

Meet Bindu... Anext door girl who has everything in her life. A great government job, Good looks, good height and confidence soaring through the air.

She had a comfortable and happy childhood too. Dad in a high post in govt bank and mom also a banker. A really big house to live in a posh locality . What more could a girl ask for! But Bindu wasn't happy. Her Mr.Right was taking too much time. Where is he?

Bindu's relationship status has not been always single. She has had her share of failed relationships where all guys just broke up with her saying she is too complicated and emotional to handle. Well the guys just weren't her Mr.Right.

Now it's her 29th birthday. Her parents are here to celebrate and even her friends have come. They have arranged a small party for her. All are in celebration mood and in their best dresses.

That's when Bindu entered the hall and cried 'I wanna get married'. Complete silence follows. All are looking at her. Bindu realises what she blurted out and sheepishly grins. The hall burst out in laughter! 

You can do it too!

"Come on girl...make it on your own...be your own boss..take risk now..this is the right time..." words echo in my ears...yes they are right...I should fulfil my dream now. Two years i can test myself. I should leave my highly coveted govt job! A secured job ..pension job.
Every day I make myself ready to take risk ...make it on my own but end up getting confused..and at such times u always irritate the one who is closest to u...try to justify ur insecurity. Tell them that they are putting too much pressure on u and that they are not understanding your disposition.
All excuses to run away from the reality. And u know that too!
All said and done...everyone has patience or what u say a threshold limit. They will support u only if they know that ur serious about it..after a while even they may give up on u...so in the end u have to do it.Make a plan...get serious...take risk...start doing it..and ur mantra should be " I will persist until I succeed"